After the Navy Yard shooting on Monday, I spent a lot of time thinking, meditating and praying! I thought about how grateful I am for grace, family and friends and life. I meditated on those things that I do well and can do better. I prayed for everyone that experienced loss on Monday whether through death, injury or just plain fear. Then I reflected on what I could do to make a difference, because that’s what makes us different from the animals. We, as humans, have the ability to reason, to evolve, to improve.

No, today is not Mr. Anderson’s birthday, but we did celebrate 50 years in 2013.  Since we couldn’t agree on a 50th birthday party, we agreed to a 50th year celebration.  Well, we’ve been celebrating for 9 months and as I begin this new blog, I am starting anew by doing something that I’ve never done. I’m sharing my daily struggle with life. I won’t demean it and give it a name or title because you can’t put it in a box like elation or depression or hormones or joy or exhaustion. It’s none and all of those things. I struggle regularly to get out of bed, go to work, manage my household, educate my children, be a good steward of our finances…the list goes on.  The point is that I struggle. Despite what people see, despite the person that I emanate, I struggle.  And it’s okay!

On my husband’s actual birthday, I should have been excited, but I wasn’t.  First, I didn’t feel well. It was his birthday and we couldn’t celebrate because I was sick.  Sucks, right?! In addition, we are polar opposites when it comes to birthday celebrations. He has never had a birthday party and refuses one now at 50 years old!  Not everyone lives to see the BIG 5-0, so I thought that we should celebrate him, his life, what he means to the children and to me.  He just wanted to go to work.

However, I was taught as a child that it is nobody’s business if we can’t agree and might even “fuss” about it. I was taught that some things are personal and not to be shared. It’s a lesson that I learned well.

2013 is the year that I break with tradition and share my struggles. It’s not that I don’t believe that privacy has its place. It absolutely does; but sharing is about healing, and we all need healing. So good or bad, right or wrong, up or down, I share!