WHEN YOU THINK OF SEX, WHAT COMES TO MIND FIRST?

An article courtesy of buzz.pureromance.com

Is it the thought of being stimulated and aroused by a variety of activities like kissing, sucking, licking? Or do you think about penetration and orgasms?

Regardless of what you think about first, did you know that all of these types of activities are phases of the sexual response cycle? Our sexual response cycle is the progression of physical and emotional changes that happens when we are sexually aroused and engaged in activities that are sexually stimulating. The sexual response cycle, developed by Masters and Johnson, is a four-phase model to describe these changes during sexual stimulation.

Sexual stimulation often begins with desire, or interest in sexual activity. A person’s desire can be heightened by our hormones, words and gestures by our partners, and even by our senses. Yes, you guessed it, this includes the things we see, smell, hear, touch, or taste. According to the sexual response model, sexual desire is not required, but it can definitely add to the experience.

FOUR PHASES OF THE SEXUAL RESPONSE CYCLE:

Arousal (or excitement) – The first phase in which physical or mental activities lead to sexual arousal. Activities in this phase can include but are not limited to kissing, touching, oral and anal play. In this phase, the heart rate increases, genitalia become hardened or erect (nipples, clitoris, penis), and vaginal walls begin to lubricate.

Plateau – In this phase, sexual arousal increases as well as sexual pleasure. Signs of this phase include rapid heart rate and a variation of shorter breaths or deep, long breaths. In this phase, a penis may release fluid (pre-ejaculatory or pre-cum) and the clitoris may become extremely sensitive.

Orgasm – This phase is the end of the plateau phase and often symbolized by quick muscle contractions or spasms that are involuntary. This phase is commonly associated with ejaculation (cum) from a penis. The orgasmic phase is also associated with increased vaginal lubrication. The sensation is described as intense sexual pleasure, however each orgasm may vary in the ways in which it is achieved (or experienced).

Resolution – In this phase, the body recovers sexual stimulation. The muscles begin to relax, blood pressure goes down, heart rate is restored, and breathing returns to its typical pattern. This phase is also the time the body needs before starting the cycle all over again. This period of time, also called the refractory period, can be shorter for women (or persons with a vagina) than for men (or persons with a penis).

Okay, so based on this information, here are some things to consider:
Many of us have heard several ideas about how sex should go, whether is the baseball analogy of “first base, second base, third base, homerun” or this idea that sex follow a script of foreplay then sex, then orgasm. Consider rethinking the idea that sexual experiences end with experiencing an orgasm. This way of thinking can limit sexual pleasure, especially because not all sexual activities – pleasurable, sexual experiences – will lead to an orgasmic experience.

According to the sexual response cycle, excitement and resolution are the longest phases, lasting minutes to hours. Orgasm is the shortest, lasting only a few seconds. This drives home the point that sexual stimulation during the arousal/excitement phase is actually one of the more important (and longest) phases of the cycle. Consider taking your time to enjoy the experiences and activities that are occurring. This can be a time of sexual exploration and liberation, a time to spice things up, or simply to slow things down. Don’t rush through it, enjoy it!

Lastly, keep in mind that women (or persons with genitalia including a vagina and clitoris) can experience multiple orgasms with little to no “down” time. Sexual stimulation can start over quickly, however, this is not a one-size-fits-all idea. Sometimes further stimulation does not lead to excitement, and in this instance, intimacy or rest may be the next best option.

If you would like to learn more about orgasms, take a look at these articles, Orgasm Gap and Outrageous Orgasm. Need a sexual liberating playlist?

Happy Birthday, Mr. Anderson

After the Navy Yard shooting on Monday, I spent a lot of time thinking, meditating and praying! I thought about how grateful I am for grace, family and friends and life. I meditated on those things that I do well and can do better. I prayed for everyone that experienced loss on Monday whether through death, injury or just plain fear. Then I reflected on what I could do to make a difference, because that’s what makes us different from the animals. We, as humans, have the ability to reason, to evolve, to improve.

No, today is not Mr. Anderson’s birthday, but we did celebrate 50 years in 2013.  Since we couldn’t agree on a 50th birthday party, we agreed to a 50th year celebration.  Well, we’ve been celebrating for 9 months and as I begin this new blog, I am starting anew by doing something that I’ve never done. I’m sharing my daily struggle with life. I won’t demean it and give it a name or title because you can’t put it in a box like elation or depression or hormones or joy or exhaustion. It’s none and all of those things. I struggle regularly to get out of bed, go to work, manage my household, educate my children, be a good steward of our finances…the list goes on.  The point is that I struggle. Despite what people see, despite the person that I emanate, I struggle.  And it’s okay!

KAA_fav1On my husband’s actual birthday, I should have been excited, but I wasn’t.  First, I didn’t feel well. It was his birthday and we couldn’t celebrate because I was sick.  Sucks, right?! In addition, we are polar opposites when it comes to birthday celebrations. He has never had a birthday party and refuses one now at 50 years old!  Not everyone lives to see the BIG 5-0, so I thought that we should celebrate him, his life, what he means to the children and to me.  He just wanted to go to work.

However, I was taught as a child that it is nobody’s business if we can’t agree and might even “fuss” about it. I was taught that some things are personal and not to be shared. It’s a lesson that I learned well.

2013 is the year that I break with tradition and share my struggles. It’s not that I don’t believe that privacy has its place. It absolutely does; but sharing is about healing, and we all need healing. So good or bad, right or wrong, up or down, I share!

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